As a wedding officiant who creates original and meaningful wedding ceremonies, part of my process is to send out an initial draft to the couples I work.  Usually this occurs about two months prior to the wedding date.   How many times I have heard...I am so glad this arrived when it did, it reminded us why we were doing this and what was really important! 

It is quite easy in the months and days leading up to your wedding to get caught up in the details and decisions about all sorts of things from transportation, accommodations, flowers, cakes, seating charts, and the list goes on...often pushing into the background what this day is really about. 

Your wedding day is a celebration and honoring of your love and willingness to enter into a commitment with your life partner.  Keeping the importance of this in the forefront of your mind will help you let go of any angst one might feel as the clock keeps ticking.

Enjoy the planning, enjoy all the little details, and if you find yourself a bit stressed, take a breath and remember...no-one will ultimately remember the color of your chair seats, or if the dresses match the napkins (in fact, many won't even notice that they do!).  While these details may be important to you, what people remember most is the ceremony and the fun of sharing this special time with you. 

One more hint...if you can fit it into your budget, hire a day of wedding coordinator!

As a relationship coach, I work with many people who wish to strengthen their relationships and live with greater awareness and intention as they strive to keep their relationship vibrant, fun and loving.   The common complaint I hear is, "This is great when we are working with you and have this focused time to explore our challenges.  We can hold onto what we learn here for a week, maybe even a bit longer, but our lives get complicated and after a while, we slip back to our old patterns.   How do we find the time and/or remember to keep this going?" 

This is a terrific inquiry, and while there are many tips and tricks you can incorporate, my answer usually focuses on some specific practices you can easily incorporate into your life.

• Speak a vow to each other at the beginning of each day:  this works particularly well when you wake in the morning if you can coordinate your schedules.  (see my blog entry: A Post-Wedding Vow)      
  
• At the end of each day acknowledge something you are grateful for with your loved one,  even if it has been a difficult day between you…it might be how grateful you are that you are able to work through things, or trust that you will come together again.
• Make a specific time to get together at least once a week…make this time sacred i.e a "date night" or a special time after the day is over that you chat without TV or other distraction. 
  
• Find a time to focus on the relationship separate from “date” night.  Monthly is usually reasonable, and weekly if you can fit it in is terrific!  Use this time to  either create a shared vision, or to explore relationship philosophy by read a book on relationships, or discussing how you can each listen better to one another. 
  
• Finally, remind yourself that you and your spouse, partner, friend, lover or family member, are human and will make mistakes.  The simple truth is that neither you or your loved one would do anything to intentionally cause pain.

Share your own thoughts so others can benefit! 

As a wedding officiant, I speak with many couples about their hopes, desires and dreams for their wedding day.  While if not asked that help us ensure we are a good fit for each other. 

Here are some other questions you may wish to ask in the process of selecting your officiant:

Is it as important to them as it is to you, that there is a connection between the three of you?

Are they registered in the state and/or town that you are getting married in?

If they are an ordained clergy, where did they receive their ordination (through a seminary or was it an on-line ordination)?

What is their experience level and what do people say about them?

What does their fee  include (i.e. initial meeting, rehearsal, travel, second meeting, phone time etc)? If their fee includes a rehearsal, but you are not requiring them to be present, will they reduce the fee?

How will they interface with other wedding professionals such as Photographers, Musicians, Videographers, on-site coordinators and/or a wedding planner? 

 Do they have “rules” for what is allowed during the ceremony?

In the event they have an emergency, do they have access to other professionals who will be able to fill-in?  If not, what is your recourse?

Will they leave you with a keepsake copy of the ceremony?

Please let me know if there are other questions that you think are important and that I haven't covered in my past blogs on How to Select a Wedding Officiant.  Finding the right person to officiate at your ceremony can be fun and educational.  Taking the time and starting early enough will ensure that you have the pick of the top officiants in your area.  Enjoy!

A Wedding Officiant that is a guide and "co-creator" of your ceremony is most likely to help you create a meaningful, unique and personal ceremony. Here are some questions that can help you discern if the person you are speaking with can achieve this.

• Are you looking for a religious, non-denominational, spiritual, civil and/ or a mix of traditional and contemporary? Are they open to the type of ceremony you would like to create?
• Are they knowledgeable and creative about the various rituals that can be included in your ceremony?
• Are they willing to provide the right amount of direction based upon your personal needs (not too much, not too little)?
• What are their ideas about including family and friends that you would like involved?
• What kind of help will they provide to you if you wish to write your own vows?
• If you wish to include readings, do they have a selection they will taylor for you given the type of ceremony you would like to create?
• Will they look for themes that are important to you and weave them throughout your ceremony?
• Will they show you a draft ceremony and allow changes and rewrites?

Asking the right questions, and trusting how you feel when you meet with a potential officiant will allow you to select the officiant will help you create a memorable wedding day. Check back for my next blog entry on other considerations to keep in mind when selecting your wedding officiant.

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Finding and Selecting a Wedding Officiant is an important part of your wedding day planning.  This is the person who will help you to create what is considered to be, by many, as "the heart and soul" of your wedding day.  The ceremony not only sets the tone for the entire day, it establishes the foundation for the next phase of your life together as a married couple.  Selecting the right officiant therefore is an important decision and a process you should begin fairly soon after establishing your wedding date.

So where to begin?  Clearly you will want to select a person who is professional, has good communication skills and will be able to create a ceremony that reflects who you are as individuals and as a couple.

So as you begin to meet with people here are some considerations to keep in mind:

• Are you comfortable in her/his presence, will they take the time to get to know you as individuals and as a couple?
• Do you like the sound of their voice and how they speak (this is part of establishing a tone for the ceremony)?
• Is she flexible in her ability to meet your needs?
• Does she/he ask questions that allow you to clarify your personal vision?
• Will they provide ongoing support as needed and allow you free access to them?
• Can she offer coaching to you when you come up against unforeseen obstacles?
• Are you interested in either pre-marital counseling and/or creating a marriage vision and can he facilitate this for you?

The person you select as your wedding officiant is someone you feel confident will listen and help you to create the ceremony that is a true reflection of your unique relationship, values, hopes and dreams.  She is a person who can be a calming influence on your wedding day and can offer you guidance throughout the process. Taking the time to select your officiant will help you create a memorable wedding day.  Check back for my next blog entry where I will explore some specific questions you may choose to ask as you begin the process of selecting your wedding officiant.

As a life celebrant and minister, I officiate at many different types of celebrations and events.  I interface with many other professionals in ensuring that the details and day run smoothly.  At weddings, baby blessings and memorials, often a videographer is brought in to record the day.  While I have worked with several terrific videographers, this past weekend I had the unfortunate experience of working with one that created problems during a wedding ceremony. 
This particular person did not use a stationary camera, nor did they wire the groom for sound.  They were moving around quite a bit during the actual ceremony, both in front of the bride and groom and behind me.  During one of the rituals I had to actually ask him to move and I noticed on more than one occasion that the photographer was having a problem taking pictures because this person stepped into their camera's view. While ultimately I do not know the quality of the product produced, my experience with this videographer prompts me to offer the following helpful questions should you wish to incorporate videography at your wedding or celebration of any kind: 

Will they contact the other professionals involved ahead of time to discuss each others needs, including your celebrant or officiant?

Will they use at least 1 stationary camera, positioned in a manner that does not distract from the ceremony or interfere with other pictures?

If this is a wedding, do they have an approach for supplementing a stationary camera that will effectively capture what they need to without causing distraction?

Will they coordinate their efforts with the photographers so that both can do their jobs? 

Will they use wireless microphones, if necessary,  in a manner that will not cause audio interruption but will pick up the ceremony?

While it is helpful during weddings and celebratory events to hire a videographer who can blend in and be inconspicuous, this becomes even more important during a memorial service. While all of this may seem obvious to a professional, it is helpful to understand how the person you ar hiring will work with you.  Let me know if their are other questions you think should be asked.

As a wedding officiant and life celebrant, I discuss small details and logistics that can often disrupt a perfectly lovely ceremony.  My largest pet-peeve is cells phones and electronic devices that ring or vibrate (yes vibrations are heard!) during a ceremony.  I highly recommend to people that prior to the beginning of a service or ceremony, an announcement is made reminding people to turn off these devices. In my initial drafts of wedding ceremonies, baby blessings and memorial services, people can see how this is tastefully handled.  I do on occasion have people who are adamant about not wanting to make such an announcement, and so we do not. Inevitably, in these cases a device rings or vibrates at the most inopportune time, which was the case with wedding I officiated at this weekend, right before the vows, a cell phone rang, or should I say"played" a tune.   Previously we had discussed this announcement at length.  They assured me that no-one in their family would consider having a phone on. 

In the world we live in, cell phones and electronic devices have become second nature to us, like our arms or legs, we don't think about them.  It is never intentional that these are left on, but it is human nature, and while it disrupts the ceremony it also leaves the person who "forgot" embarrassed.  Ask your officiant or celebrant to make a tasteful announcement, and if you believe that your friends and family are different and don't need a reminder, you may wish to reconsider your logic.  Your insights are always welcome!

As a wedding officiant I attend many rehearsals and help all those involved in the wedding ceremony become comfortable with the processional, recessional and any mid ceremony participation.  Often when I speak to the parents, they are anticipating that they will sit on the side that their child is standing on.  While traditionally this is standard practice, I often recommend the opposite; that parents consider sitting opposite from their child.  This works out well as the couples I marry face each other, and as such, their parents would be looking at the back of their heads, not their face unless they switched where they sat!  So speak to your officiant, see how they will be positioning the couple and then request a different seating arrangement.  I have had several parents thank-me for this tip!

In my capacity of coach, counselor and officiant, I often notice how difficult it seems to balance all that we have on our plates.  I listen to people's yearning to be more at peace, more in touch with their inner witness and spirit, and to feel that they can balance their life differently.  While my life is less complicated than most, I have recently rediscovered the power of eliminating any electronic devices while I am driving.  Yes, that means turning off my cell phone, and mostly even my I-Pod music (although this is a bit harder for me!).  What I have noticed is that while I am clearly a safer driver on the road, bringing mindfulness to my driving by; focusing on the road, with my hands on the wheel and just driving, I actually feel more peaceful and spacious when I arrive at my destination.  This allows me to better negotiate all of what is presented to me with lightness and humor.  All of a sudden I realize I am happier, even when times might be difficult.  It actually feels to me that I am a lily on a pond!  So give it a try, even for a day, and share what you experience with us!

Want to have fun invitations that will have your guests smiling a year from now and have a positive impact on the environment?  Try using recycled paper that has flower seeds embedded into it.  Robin & Kenny, a couple I married last year, did precisely this.  Their invitations were both beautiful, environmentally friendly and had the lasting impact of reminding people a year later, when the flowers from the seeds bloomed, of their fun wedding day!  Greenfield Paper is the resource they used, and there are others listed if you do a google search.   Let me know what you discover!