One of the common questions I am asked by couples is: “What makes your process customized and different?”  There are many ways an officiant can answer this.  Some might speak about using your “love story” in the ceremony, or ask you to select your own readings and a specific ceremony “template” from several they already use.  For me, it begins with an informal "getting to know one another meeting".

Trying to decipher what it all means can feel like a daunting task and I often refer people to my article “Selecting a Wedding Officiant”, but here are 3 quick questions you might wish to explore with your fiancé/partner before beginning your search to help you discern what to look for.

Do you want the officiant to take quality time getting to know you, and do you feel comfortable sharing your personal stories?

If you are seeking a truly personalized and custom ceremony, then this should be a resounding “yes” and your initial meeting should feel warm, welcoming and leave you with a feeling that this is a person who a) will really listen b) provide an environment in which you can safely share c) provide you as much or little guidance as needed d) be fun to work with and willing to share who they are with you e) give you as much time as you need throughout the planning process and f) be open to feedback.

Do you have spiritual beliefs or religious affiliations that you wish to include, are they the same or different and do you wish to include this for yourselves and/or for your family.

If this is a consideration, you will want to make sure that your officiant has a solid background in creating ceremonies that combine and/or celebrate specific traditions with a flair for personalizing these.

What is the level of flexibility and leeway you want in designing your ceremony?

Ensuring that you understand the officiant’s process and how often they are willing to meet and write/rewrite your ceremony based upon your thoughts, feeling and feedback is important.  The process of co-creating your ceremony should be tailored to fit your personal needs because this is what leads to a very special and memorable ceremony.

Selecting your officiant is an important process, so my best advise...take your time, ask lots of questions, and get to know the person who is going to take on such an important part of your wedding day.