One of the common questions I am asked by couples is: “What makes your process customized and different?”  There are many ways an officiant can answer this.  Some might speak about using your “love story” in the ceremony, or ask you to select your own readings and a specific ceremony “template” from several they already use.  For me, it begins with an informal "getting to know one another meeting".

Trying to decipher what it all means can feel like a daunting task and I often refer people to my article “Selecting a Wedding Officiant”, but here are 3 quick questions you might wish to explore with your fiancé/partner before beginning your search to help you discern what to look for.

Do you want the officiant to take quality time getting to know you, and do you feel comfortable sharing your personal stories?

If you are seeking a truly personalized and custom ceremony, then this should be a resounding “yes” and your initial meeting should feel warm, welcoming and leave you with a feeling that this is a person who a) will really listen b) provide an environment in which you can safely share c) provide you as much or little guidance as needed d) be fun to work with and willing to share who they are with you e) give you as much time as you need throughout the planning process and f) be open to feedback.

Do you have spiritual beliefs or religious affiliations that you wish to include, are they the same or different and do you wish to include this for yourselves and/or for your family.

If this is a consideration, you will want to make sure that your officiant has a solid background in creating ceremonies that combine and/or celebrate specific traditions with a flair for personalizing these.

What is the level of flexibility and leeway you want in designing your ceremony?

Ensuring that you understand the officiant’s process and how often they are willing to meet and write/rewrite your ceremony based upon your thoughts, feeling and feedback is important.  The process of co-creating your ceremony should be tailored to fit your personal needs because this is what leads to a very special and memorable ceremony.

Selecting your officiant is an important process, so my best advise...take your time, ask lots of questions, and get to know the person who is going to take on such an important part of your wedding day.

Back in 2008, when I was planning my wedding, I had a wedding binder (homemade), with binder tabs and typed labels. I had checklists. I had timetables. I had “questionnaires” that I typed up for use when I spoke to a vendor on the phone. I was, in short, an organized bride, with a capital “O.”

None of this, however, nor the time I spent reviewing the available options in Massachusetts, made me feel prepared for the search for a wedding officiant. Because let’s be honest: the person who performs your wedding ceremony is not the same as the person who puts together your bouquet, or applies your makeup, or rents you some tablecloths. Your wedding officiant is not a “vendor,” not a person whom you can “interview” and then “hire.”

My fiancé, Jamie, and I felt a lot of pressure to find just the right person, who would craft just the right ceremony, just for us. We wanted a completely personalized wedding ceremony, written and performed by a professional. How do you get that, though, unless you just happen to be best friends with someone who performs weddings for a living? We had no idea.

When we went to meet LisaAnn, we were nervous. It felt like a first date. Will she get us, we wondered. We will like her? Is she the one? Our own first date had lasted seven hours (a fact which we have always been proud of, and which LisaAnn managed to work into the Welcome of our wedding ceremony); we knew a good first date when we had one.  

I wish I could compare the conversations we had with LisaAnn to all the other wedding officiants we met with, but the truth is, after that first date with LisaAnn, we cancelled all the rest (just like we cancelled our own online dating profiles after that first epic date with each other).

She got us.

She started with a blank page, and over the months we spent working with her, she crafted just the right ceremony, just for us.

I couldn’t be more excited that LisaAnn has invited me to contribute to her blog, and to share with her readers some of my own experiences working with her to create my wedding ceremony. In my next blog, I’ll be sharing more about that special first date Jamie and I shared with LisaAnn, and how we knew she was “the one.” Please stay tuned!

As 2012 begins to unfold, I am aware of the blessings I receive each day as I work with people to co-create special and unique ceremonies that honor and celebrate life.   For me there is no other work more rewarding than the privilege of spending time with wonderful people; listening to their stories, hopes and dreams and then weaving these into rituals that reflect and honor their beliefs, values and lives.  While I work with all of life celebrations and transitions; weddings, baby blessings and marriage-partnership visioning are the largest part of my work. 

As the wedding season begins again, I find that I spend a good bit of time helping to educate couples about the many approaches they might wish to consider for their ceremony.   What is most important to the people I work with are that we all feel genuinely connected to one another, and that the process of co-creating their ceremony is creative, fun, and allows for exploration of many possibilities.   They are looking for a “sounding” board, a person who has enough experience to know what will and won't work, is flexible and is invested in really getting to know them. 

From my perspective this is a perfect fit!  I am passionate about working with people who want to create a special and personalized ceremony that celebrates their love and relationship with family and friends in a meaningful way.  Over the next twelve months, I will be blogging about my perspective on the work I do with couples, individuals and families.   Yet there are always two sides to an experience, and this year I have invited Melissa Duclos-Yourdon to be a guest blogger on my site.  

I met Melissa and Jamie when they contacted me to discuss their wedding, and I couldn’t have been more delighted upon our initial meeting to work with them.  Almost from the moment they walked into my living room I felt a connection, and as we shared tea and conversation, it was clear we were a good fit for one another…so please welcome Melissa as she shares her experience, thoughts and insights on the process of getting married and living in a conscious relationship with her husband, new baby, family and friends.  Look for her post on 2/1 and as always, please feel free to comment and add your own thoughts. 

Sara & Dan were married this year at the wonderful Tower Hill Botanical Garden in Boylston, Mass.  As their officiant I was honored and had great fun getting to know them.   Together we crafted a ceremony  that was joyful, fun, meaningful and uniquely about them. 

 

The location was perfect for them..sharing a love of nature they felt inspired when they came upon Tower Hill's Secret Garden for their ceremony.   This is a spot that feels so very intimate yet opens to the sky and is simply magical.   

The day was clear and their family and friends actively participated in laughter, celebration and joyful tears throughout their special ceremony.   Looking at these pictures you can tell that they clearly enjoyed their ceremony and how much they love one another. 

Congratulations Sara & Dan...I have loved spending time getting to know you and being part of a very special time in your lives.

 

 

 

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of marrying Christina and Mark.   What I loved about this particular celebration was that there was absolutely no stress.  Why?  Everyone thought they were coming to an engagement party!   Family and friends arrived to not only celebrate their engagement but also to "launch"them on an eighteen month exploration around the world.  

Most of the family and friends thought they were going to get married while traveling but it was important to both of them that their friends and family witness this moment.  

We began working on their ceremony about three weeks before their actual wedding day, spending time getting to know each other and then co-creating a ceremony that was unique, filled with laughter, love and lot's of cheer. 


Held at a clubhouse in the afternoon there was minimal fuss and planning needed.  The results...a simple, eloquent celebration that reflected who Christina and Mark are as individuals and as a couple. 

Cocktails and h'orderves were available before and after the ceremony.   The party lasted for many hours and people are still delighting in the surprise and fun of the day.  Congratulations Mark & Christina and enjoy your travels!

Tanya and Dan were married at the Colonial Hotel in Gardner, MA.  The three of us worked together for many months, first creating a marriage vision and then a very special ceremony which honored their families, had much laughter, joyful tears and captured the essence of who they each are individually and together.  

Tanya and Dan came into their planning process with an overall vision of how their day might unfold.  It was important for them to find people who would take extra time getting to know them, becoming more than just a "vendor".  They wanted an interactive approach where they could be an active part of the creative process.  Taking much care selecting their wedding professionals, they put together what they lovingly referred to as their "A Team".  All their upfront planning and connecting with the right people paid off!

The reception was spectacular with terrific food, flower arrangements and a beautiful ice sculpture.   Music & reception hosting were provided by DJ Steve Vinzi and the moments captured by Steve Kimball Photography.  These are two professionals whom I have had the pleasure of working with frequently and they make any wedding a very special and memorable event! 

Congratulations Tanya and Dan I look forward to being part of your lives for a long time! 
(photo courtesy of Steve Kimball Photogaphy)

When Carolyn, Gary and I  met with me to discuss their ceremony, they wanted something intimate, fun, meaningful participation of their community, and if possible to walk away with a remembrance of the love and intentions that were shared on their very special day.  

Their wedding was to be held at the lovely Crane Estate on the beach and as we played with different concepts for their ceremony,  I inquired into the actual "set-up", specifically did they envision any sort of aisle or seating arrangements.   Their thinking was they didn't think it possible considering there were few chairs (most everyone would be standing) and the wind by the ocean would be a factor.  My response as their wedding officiant was simply; "well let's explore how we might build an aisle, get everyone involved, and have a meaningful remembrance".

What we co-created from this discussion was a wonderful ritual in which their community brought rocks with wishes written on them to the ceremony.  At the beginning of the gathering, with Carolyn & Gary looking on, their community was invited to honor their marriage by creating the very aisle that they would be walking down. 

Never, did we imagined how powerful and engaging this would be. The thought and love that would go into designing the rocks and the immense amount of fun that was had by even the small ones was wondrous. 

So if you are thinking something can't be done...ask how it might be achieved.  My tip for you today is to really think through what it is you wish to create and then have fun doing it! 
(photos courtesy of Louise Michaud Photographer c  2011)

Each day of connection with a loved one is a rare gift.  As we grow and change, our connection with others also shifts.  W. Somerset Maugham once wrote, "We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person. "

While I resonate with this, I think that there is more to be said:  It takes courage and willingness to work on ourselves to be open to loving another through all the changes of life.  Relationships are not static, and the gift of love is that we can embrace our own and another's change with courage, compassion and an open heart. 

When we find ourselves resisting our own or someone else's changing nature, it is an opportunity to look inward.  While not always easy,  the process is rich with personal growth and an increasing ability to create an ever deepening intimacy with yourself and your loved one. 

So today...just for a moment...celebrate your capacity to love and be loved in the changing moments of your life...honor the courage and conviction it takes to get up each morning and begin anew again!

Your wedding day is a mere 4 to 6 months away, and all the planning and details begin to pile on.  Anxiety builds and all of a sudden you realize the level of stress you feel as you try to ensure that everything comes together perfectly.  As a wedding officiant, this is often when I begin to hear from my couples how they wish they had eloped! 

So I am simply repeating here what I say to the people I work with and have offered in a previous blog...BREATHE!  All the wedding details and decisions from transportation, accommodations, flowers, cakes, seating charts, and the list goes on...can cause you to push into the background what this day is really about: A celebration and honoring of your love and willingness to enter into a commitment with your life partner.   

So here is the easiest and simplest of wedding planning tips: Get several sticky notes and on each one write the following:  This day is about celebrating and honoring our commitment to each other! Take a breath and smile!

Keep these on your desk, in your car, on your wedding notebook or file if you have one and even your bathroom mirror.  You can enjoy the planning of all the little details with a reduced level of stress if you simply remember that what people remember and speak about for the years to come is the specialness of the day...the ceremony, the fun they have and mostly the time they shared with you, their family and friends!  

As human beings we have a yearning to be seen and loved for who we are; in our vulnerability, in our magnificence and without any  pretense.  We look for that one person who allows us to live each day of our lives feeling full and complete.  Some of us are lucky and find our "soul-mate" or "best friend" at a young age...some of us go through several relationships and some are still searching. 

In my work as a Relationship Coach and Wedding Officiant, I have worked with couples who have entered into a lifetime commitment and then at some point down the road are questioning if they made the right choice.   Life is not always easy, and in the stressful and difficult times, we can often loose our way as we revert to old patterns and protective behaviors that may not support or nurture our relationships.  It is at these times like we need a clear path home to our hearts.  This is precisely why I encourage couples to create a partnership vision. 

Whether it is done through my workshop or in your own way, the power of this process, and the ability to evaluate, assess and resolve conflicting priorities and view points in a loving way, allows you and your partner to be in a compassionate, conscious and sacred relationship.  

Relationships require conscious intention, study and work...in fact they are an art.  Artisans study for many years as they hone their tools to create their masterpieces.  The visioning process offers an approach to cultivating a sacred relationship, while creating tools to work with as you move forward together in life.  We do this in a fun and interactive way, sharing our experiences, our learning's, our hopes and our dreams.  If you are interested in learning more, please call or e-mail or visit the workshop page and read what others have experienced.  The next workshop is Saturday, Feb. 26th.